Pushing through

8 weeks today sounds like a great deal of time to accomplish many things; it also feels like no time at all.

The past 3 weeks feel wasted having had to deal with ‘stuff’: tummy upset, nausea, headaches, stress, mania, hypomania, irritability, fatigue, roller coaster emotions, insomnia, runner’s knee, children’s infirmary visits, broken phone, kaput GPS.

Clearly a whole host of distractions when I needed to be in the zone, upping my game, achieving new mileage, putting my stake in the ground.

I’m annoyed with myself because I haven’t managed to get my emotions, head & training back on track yet, and time is passing by. I am wasting energy getting annoyed, but I’m also learning.

I’m learning how to pull myself out of a tizz. This is the sort of treatment that I need – how to manage the ‘stuff’ to minimise self-destruct mode, which would normally become the option.

Learning to be easier on myself is completely unnatural to my being. I am my worst enemy because I know I can always do better, and I know my body can do more. I started my recovery within the NHS Mental Health programme but had to press the eject button once their therapy plans began to stifle my needs. Unfortunately, that elusive psychologist referral was promptly tossed in the bin. So I am trying to figure this out for myself. And I’m not finding it easy.

Running is doing me a great deal of good. The recent BBC video of Simon Lamb‘s thoughts spoke just what I needed to remind myself; running is saving my life. Struggling the past 3 weeks has been a nightmare that is sapping my energy, rearing many demons and unleashing an irritability that I had hoped I’d vanquished. Clearly not.

I must fix this. I must push through the nausea, the headaches, the fatigue, the irritability, the fear, the anxiety and the self-doubt.

I must turn to my support and regenerate.  I don’t know how that will manifest exactly, but I must.

Belief in this journey is going to be crucial.

Raw, Inspiration

I woke up today wondering how I could restore some of the belief that I once held in my own dreams.
You see, lately, they’ve become wishy-washy, a hope rather than a goal, dimly lit and hazy. I’m not sure when that happened. It certainly wasn’t overnight, but instead a gradual erosion of self-confidence and belief in changes that could be made. I began to realise that there were few around me who believed in me, and few who I could believe in.


I found the answer, a glimmer of hope, in the unfortunate to some, or perhaps the fortuitous to others, personal post on my company’s FaceBook forum. It’s rawness blew me away.
This is a real friend, going through real turmoil, making a decision based on a real dream of a future to be different than the one that she is currently travelling on.
In the end, isn’t that what we all strive for when we find ourselves at an impasse? That courage to have the conviction in ourselves to make a decision based on life’s true fortunes, and not on fiscal matters alone.
In the face of polarisation, would we all act true to what we say we will do?

Here is her post, with her permission, but with names removed for discretion.

I trust you will read it with an open heart and mind, and not pass judgements.

“So today I have officially ‘retired’ from corporate world. In reality I was asked to choose by my ‘boss’ between my corporate career and Arbonne. It was unquestionable, Arbonne all the way.
The British seem to have a stiff upper lip when talking about finances but I wanted to let you know what position I was in so it gives everyone out there, past, present, and future, belief in this incredible industry.
I had a £70k salary and the main income earner in our beautiful home. My biggest cheque ever in Arbonne had been £486! I didn’t have any savings when I made the decision to leave and knew that when I finally handed my notice in we would be about £800-a-month short just on the mortgage and bills, and that’s without a lifestyle.
When I handed my notice in, I was ‘banned’ by work from doing any Arbonne activity otherwise they wouldn’t pay me my notice. I left without a leaving card, present or do, after 14 years.
My family think I am crazy and it doesn’t help that none of them believe in Arbonne.
My ‘boss’ was spreading the word the I belong to a ‘pyramid scheme’ and that’s why ‘they had to get rid of me’. Incredible isn’t it.

So why am I telling you all this?
1) When you truly believe in something from your absolute core you do it.
2) 1000s of people need educating about the power of network marketing, it is not my boss’ fault he thinks it is a pyramid, he just doesn’t know and never gave me the opportunity to explain.
3) If anybody needs to tell a story to a corporate prospect about belief, please use me!
4) Feel the fear and do it anyway.
5) Be kind to people, build relationships and always remember that people never ever forget how you make them feel.

If I hadn’t spent 14 years being kind to my ‘boss’, doing a great job, and holding the department together (my boss’ words not mine) I can guarantee it would have ended so very, very differently.
So please go out there and tell everybody there is a better way. Our National Vice President said at the car presentation yesterday, “if you are in a job, and they want to get rid of you, they will”.

People out there don’t have Plan Bs, I did! I may not have put it into practice before now, but I have it and so very, very grateful I now have this to share. So very grateful to my whole upline for saying yes and, of course, never, ever forgetting my gorgeous bestie for introducing me to Arbonne who clearly knew I was going to need it one day.

So get those goals set so you know where you’re going, I’m finishing mine off today and they will be up on my wall clear as day.
When your back’s up against the wall you will do anything. Hope you have all had a great Christmas and a very, very happy and prosperous new year to you.
May all your dreams come true xx.”