A post of two parts, feel free to jump to the end where it’s definitely more positive, but if you love gloom, guts and gore, read on, my friend.
As luck would have it, my little friend smashed the same day as my iMac crashed during a bulk design download, and the boiler has been broken for over a week already. After a particularly emotional few weeks, I had to call it quits and sleep it out.
Naturally, I anguished that I was giving up, that I was weak for not being able to get up and run, that I could allow such frivolities to rain on my recovery parade. I’m guessing that by the sounds of it, the word recovery doesn’t appear to ever end, it’s more a management of the situation and remembering to throw my coping strategies into the blender and make a wellbeing smoothie. Doing that for myself is harder than I thought.
Since my last post, I think the ride has been more Pepsi Max than the Big Dipper (Blackpool speech). A depression hitting me over New Year following a family reassessment of the housework roster. My running has been painful, each run seemingly more so after developing that cursed runner’s knee. Of course, it means it’s no more than a misalignment of tight quads and hammies as a result of tight calves and lots of niggles around the pelvis and TLF area of the hip. How do I know? Because when I finally took myself to see my sport’s therapist the strength results pre- and post-session were blindingly different. Now I have to keep myself well rolled and rotated, flexed and stretched. My legs aren’t going to ever get easier with all of this mileage that I intend to subject them to, but they will work for me if I look after them. I have to keep the faith.
This is all part of the process, I am sure — starting to doubt myself whilst I keep a smile going, altering my plans to plough through admin, designs, marketing, and operational planning whilst my body and mind are at adds with each other, and even both at odds with me (yes, that’s possible). This past week my stomach has become a delicate quagmire that doesn’t seem to like food much. That also plays on my motivation, my day’s planning, and my mood. I have been extremely irritable — in part due to lack of running but I’d say the frustration of being stuck in my own body sometimes leaves me wishing for an alternative.
This weekend, I finally found the ounce of strength I needed to flip the switch. A Sunday spent half sleeping to catch up on two missed nights (not, not good, I put myself in the corner and had a word), and half spent cleaning the house from top to bottom. Purging. De-cluttering. Just getting rid of so much stuff that was crowding my brain waves! The result is exhilarating, and now the boiler seems to have picked itself back up off the floor and decided to function, so I can get a shower. The little things.
The Plan update? I fully intend to make this event a running experience à la Yvie. That sort of event requires a course of design-injected humorous and quirky products that link directly to the campaign, and which will be available for purchase as an alternative to sponsoring, because all profits and costs of the products will be donated directly to the Fierce Mind sponsorship page. Why? Because by getting involved in my own goal, I am starting to draw again, to design, to experiment, to do photography, and I absolutely love all of it like a friendly thrill on a hazy summer’s morning! Never mind the running, I am loving turning each run into a meaningful adventure to share with purpose and pride. Sponsorship can be a two-way thing, and I get that. So I’m putting all of my design and creative resources into the products for free, so that you can support me on the run, and support the charities by wearing them on a t-shirt. Give me a few days to finalise the links and I’ll post for all and sundry.
Without sounding too much like a film title, there are just over 9 and a half weeks to go, and I’ve quite a lot to get on with. I have to pace out my designing so that I can get my accommodation sorted, keep track of who is volunteering to run, cycle or drive, make contact with many schools and centres for talks en route, figure out where my food is going to come from, prepare my legs by running, stretching, yoga-ing, rolling and icing, and prepare my heart and my mind for the adventurous explosion of emotions, and remember at some point to get enough sleep. That said, time to sign off and hit the sack.
(p.s. sorry, there wasn’t really any gore.)